Lying down on my bed exhausted from the troubles of today. I can’t help but think about my daddy and the good old days
.
Going to work this morning on the bus while making inquiries about my future. Tears dropped from my eyes as these things were automatically sorted out by my daddy. All I needed to do was say what I wanted, where, and when. He made a move for me and my family.
There’s nothing too big that this man didn’t do for his children; he loves his wife so dearly that even as children we were jealous of their love. One day I was searching for Mum on his phone as I needed to make an important call to her; I couldn’t find those words and decided to type out her number as I had known it by heart. My dear love came up with heart emojis lol. I was too stunned to speak.
This man sat me down to have the talk when he learned I was engaging in contributions at school. I was in senior secondary school, too. My father asked if I lacked anything without his knowledge at any point in time, and I said no. He questioned if he failed as a father, as his role is solely to provide, to which I replied no. Then he asked why I was saving; I said maybe for rainy days; he laughed in my face and said as long as he’s alive, I’ll never lack. He kept his word till sickness came knocking.
After I was done with school, immediately he asked I go for my master’s degree, and I said I didn’t want to do it in Nigeria. He said, Okay, let’s start the process. That year he fell ill and has been ill ever since then. I ask for a specific amount of money, and my father gives me extra every time with the warning of spending frugally. Even when I got a job, this man gave me money consistently that was almost the same as my salary and sometimes asked why I even wanted to work.
Here’s the thing: he didn’t come from money; heck, he paid his own school fees till secondary school by engaging in menial jobs and traveled all the way from the east to Lagos to learn a trade. He was very industrious, and even as the last born to his siblings, he wasn’t entitled. His siblings hustled abroad and had money, but my boy Yo-Yo (his nickname) hustles from hand to mouth to build his wealth. This man said since he couldn’t go to uni, all his kids would get to the highest level of education as they do wish. And boy, did he make that happen. He had 3 kids in the university, all expensive schools at once, and didn’t make us lack for one day. I was trained as a butty child, hence my mannerisms; only the best for his family at all costs.
I could never relate to school fees wahala or whatever fees the school asked for, as before a new term, we’ve all been sorted out. This man drove my siblings and me to school every day from nursery till SS2 every morning, even though on some days he had to go get goods for his store. As much as he was a loving father at home, he was a successful businessman too and had the mind of a genius. Different bank branch managers frequented his store as everybody wanted deposits from him. Never made mistakes with calculations and money deals that everybody was amazed at the way his mind worked.
This man trained over 10 of his nieces and nephews in school from crèche to university as he had a big heart. He had so many boys who worked for him and expanded his business in the shortest time possible. He was well known and very respected in our small community, and I can say we’re a mini celebrity. At the mention of his and my mom's name, doors were opened, and preferential treatment was offered to us, as this was the reward of his dues.
During the covid era, he fell ill, and that was the beginning of the end. I look at him now with so much pride even though he looks like a shadow of himself. My friends always talked about how they thought he was in the military, as he was very gallant. Some days he can sense my fears and tell how much I’ve been crying, so he cracks jokes for me to forget my pain. When I contemplated suicide, what kept me alive to date was the fact that he’ll never recover from it. I’ll give up my life for him in a heartbeat, and he too would do the same
.
On some days we banter and he throws jabs at me, and on some days I’m holding his hand, telling him I don’t want him to go yet in between tears. Some days we laugh our hearts out, and on other days, he just wants to sleep the pain away. He always asks for me whenever he’s awake and sometimes eats only what I make for him. One time, I asked the universe for an exchange, but I don’t think they heard me. Well, I’ll keep trying.
I miss him teasing me about my stern face and attitude towards things sometimes. I miss the frequent calls to check in, I miss him being shy when we tell him we love him, and I miss him driving me around to anywhere I want to be.
I miss my daddy so much and I want him back to his old jovial healthy self. I miss you daddy